Friday, 23 February 2018

Time For Me


As most of you will know I recently got back from an EPIC trip to Bali. I took myself off to a retreat for a week. ALL BY MYSELF.

I will admit to you now that a couple of weeks before I was due to depart I was overcome with anxiety about what was ahead. Should I really be travelling to the other side of the world on my own? Did I deserve to go on a retreat? Was I even in the headspace to do that? Have I worked hard enough to justify this? Will I let myself down? Will it change me for the better or the worse? Will I connect with people?

Well THANK GOODNESS I got on that plane and went. 

At the airport, my boyfriend dropped me off and after we said our goodbyes, I checked in and made my way through security it suddenly hit me.

THIS IS IT.

I plucked up the courage after pacing past Jamie's Bar five times - yes, you did read that right - FIVE times it took me to actually feel brave enough to go and sit with a glass of fizz on my own while I waited for my gate number. Sipping on my Elderflower Fizz I had a strange sense of calmness creep over me. This was something I hadn't felt in months - I think I had prepared myself for total mascara-running-down-the-face-meltdown!

Sitting there watching other passengers bustling about beneath me, I won't forget the calmness I felt in my body. It was like a fog had lifted from my eyes, my shoulders were lighter and my mind felt still and grateful. 'Thank You' my head told me. 'Thank you for making you do this.'

The 10 days that stretched out before me were just for me. It felt fresh, exciting and what I knew my mind, body and my heart and soul needed.

In that moment I felt free. Suddenly I wasn't controlled by the time on the clock, schedules, routines or work. I liked that feeling. I was liberated.

Why do we push ourselves to the bottom of the pile?

Why do we not allow ourselves time for true reflection? To forget responsibilities and just be. To really connect with ourselves.

We all get complacent I think. We all rush around life ticking off the next task or going to the next event in our diaries. We have moments of time for us in that bubble bath we prepare, the quick shopping trip we sneak in before the school run or the quiet night with a book.

But when do we really just have time for us? Time when we aren't distracted or interrupted?

We look forward to quality time (by this I mean an extended amount of time from a day to a few weeks or months) with loved ones and friends but ask yourself this; when was the last time you had quality time just for you?

For some, like me, it may be you've never had that before or perhaps you've tried to avoid it?

I really encourage you to book in that time.

Take yourself off for a week or a long weekend. If that's too much spend a day out walking in your favourite place, treat yourself to a pub lunch, take yourself off to the spa. Just you. Just be.

Allow yourself to be free. To be open. To fully embrace every single moment of time for you. Have time to reconnect with yourself. Take your journal and just write whatever comes to you. Get clear on you and where you are at with yourself. What changes do you want me make? What are you grateful for? What's next?

It will work wonders.

Your body will thank you. Your mind will thank you. And most of all your heart and soul will thank you.

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Sunday, 18 February 2018

Reflections Change



Growth. Change. Development. Transformation. Evolution.

We are constantly changing. From baby to toddler, toddler to teen, teen to adult. Life is this ever changing cycle we are all part of. Every living thing is part of. The flowers, the trees, the birds, the sky, the stars...it's all always changing, always moving, always growing.

Even ancient ruins. Even pathways that have held the footsteps of many for thousands of years. These homes of 'forever' have changed over time.

A little bit mind blowing when you think about it.

I've been thinking a lot about change recently. Triggered by a quote I read in Grief Works by Julia Cohen - a book I read after the passing of my beautiful Nanny Pat.

When we look in the mirror the person we see has changed. We look at a photograph of ourselves, and wonder at the innocence of that smile.

Undoubtably there is so much truth in this. But it wasn't until I sat with it for a while and really thought about what this was all telling me about life.

We grow, we learn and we develop ourselves on the inside through experience, stories, books, conversations and therapy but why is it we look at our physical reflection or a photograph and think, who is that person? Why do we suddenly disassociate our physical self with the emotional challenges and changes that life brings every single one of us?

Why do we look at a reflection and feel saddened at what stares back at us?

Perhaps its a way of disassociating ourselves with what life has presented us with? Perhaps its denial? We all have a story. We all have wounds. And we all have chapters in our life we'd like to turn the clock back on.

But what about if we started looking at our reflections and at those photos of years gone by with a little more acceptance? Pride. Gratitude. What if we started to really connect with the changes and the growth inside of us throughout life instead?

Imagine for a second that we could take a photograph of our emotions. Imagine the changes in your mindset that you could see. Think about what those changes would look like. Visualise it for a moment or two. Something about this suddenly feels different...

Now what do you see when you look in the mirror?
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Friday, 1 December 2017

Radio Silence


The title of this post has changed a number of times. It's sat in my drafts since the end of October. And it's theme has altered many times too.

Today, its the 1st of December and it feels like the right day, the right time to actually hit the 'publish' button.

ADVANCE WARNING - This could be a long one, so make yourself comfy. Make a brew.

This morning I started typing a post on my Instagram about the radio silence I've been delivering recently. I've been off social media, I've cancelled most of plans, I've taken a step back from my work. Not because I wanted to. Because I had to.

Shall we get started at the beginning then?

I remember that feeling when I woke up on 30th October 2017. The clocks went back so we got a cheeky extra hour in bed and the sun. The autumn sun was out in full force.

The day before I had spent the afternoon with my best friend, my Mum and my Auntie, drinking Gin and giggling our way through a Gin Festival. I had a date night planned that evening with my boyfriend. 

I woke up that Sunday feeling content. 

Life was good. I was happy. 

Before my Mum and Auntie headed back home to the Midlands we decided on an impromptu visit to Sheffield Park for a walk. 

It was just beautiful there. 

Autumn leaves in full force with the most amazing colours reflecting in the waters of the lakes and many visitors taking part in their own Autumn themed photo shoots, throwing leaves up into the air, clicking the camera at that right moment. 

We even spotted a stunning Kingfisher up in the trees to the delight of my Auntie. They are her favourite. But she's never seen one in the wild. 

Something in the air that day felt special. 

Almost magical. 

Seconds later. Everything changed. 

A phonecall from my Dad, followed by a mad dash back to the car and a drive that felt like it would never end. I didn't know if we would make it. 

This could not be happening. 

The woman I never imagined life without was preparing to leave us...

A series of events

That day sparked a change. A shift in life. And one of those moments that you can never really prepare yourself for. 

The 'grief train' as I call it, had arrived at my platform once again but this time it all felt a little different.

I spent the next few days wondering how we really just 'get on' with life? When you lose someone you love, is it ever actually possible? Does it change you as a person? How does your life keep going when they were such a huge part of it?

For the first time, in a really long time I felt lost. And then, it hit me. Literally. 

What followed was a car accident and a health scare. What was happening to me? Why was this all happening right now?

None of this is your fault

None of this is your fault they kept saying. It's just a big bump in this road of this journey we are all on. 

What I felt was a sense of guilt. I don't know why.

It took me a couple of weeks to get over that. What was happening around me wasn't my fault and that life was just serving me another lesson. A lesson to make me stronger. 

That's why I needed to take a step back. 

When something huge shifts in your life, or a series of events shift your universe it is SO important to understand the lesson, see the meaning and take that step back. More so than ever, because we live such fast paced, 1million mph lifestyles that we never really have time to just sit, be still and learn, do we?


Changing reflections


The last month my reflection has changed. 

I've gone from deep, deep sadness to insecurity to anxiety to, this is okay, I'm okay and here I am. 

I've realised that life changes us, it changes how we see ourselves. 

I've been lucky to have some incredible support from friends and family but my biggest lesson has been that when I really need it, I've got my own back. It's up to me. 

You can find that courage, you can find yourself....totally. It's amazing how you can help yourself when life really, really throws you down. 

Now, I'm better. I'm stronger. I've learnt so much and I know, I've totally got this. 

And so do you.

D xx

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Monday, 20 March 2017

#FreelanceLife: 2 Years On


'Are you trying to get to Brighton?' she said. 'Yep, it looks like the world and his wife are hey?' I said.

And that was the moment. That was the start of my #FreelanceLife. A chance meeting on the platform at Lewes train station. That chance meeting that became my first client and my longest standing client to this day. Two whole years on.

Today, my LinkedIn pals have been congratulating me on TWO YEARS of becoming my own boss, becoming the force behind my own future and becoming the person I always dreamt of being.

I know this will sound cliche.

But...

Time flies when you're having fun. So much fun.

Working for yourself and doing a job you love is fun.

Working for yourself is incredibly hard. But it is incredibly rewarding.

What have I learnt in 731 Days?

I've learnt to be prepared. Be it a chance meeting of a prospective client somewhere totally random or a last minute meeting request - I ALWAYS carry my laptop, my business cards and a notebook. Even if I'm technically not 'at work'.

I've learned to believe in myself. Before I found the world of Freelance I felt like I constantly had to prove myself in some of my previous roles. We all like to receive a little recognition and a little pat on the back when we've done something good don't we? It builds our confidence. Now, there is no better feeling than when a client turns to me and says; 'Donna, this is amazing.'

I've learned to put my business hat on. We've all been there. Overdrafts, credit cards, loans - whatever it is that still haunts us from our days of being a student we all hate talking about money and we all sometimes get ourselves in a bit of a pickle. But working for yourself you become a little bit obsessed with budget sheets, invoice trackers and expenses. You work hard for it and you aren't afraid to ask for it on time, or ask for what you know you deserve.

I've learned to say no. There are some projects that land in my inbox that I just think, this isn't me. And that's okay. There are some projects that land in my inbox that request favours or 'pay later' terms. And the answer is no. I've learnt the hard way with this before. Never work for free when you're a freelancer. You've worked bloody hard to get here. You wouldn't go and do your food shop at Tesco, then get to the till and say - 'Can I pay you next week?' would you?

I've learnt to take better care of myself. Working for myself has worked wonders on my relationship, my friendships and my mental health. It's taken some time and some ups and downs and a whole lot of figuring out what works for me but this lifestyle suits me. It doesn't give me sleepless nights, it doesn't bring me out in a rash and it doesn't make me question myself. I am in total control and I make sure (most of the time) I take breaks, I relax and I get regular massages for sitting in front of a screen for too long! #FreelancePerks

I've learnt the universe really does have your back. This might be heavily influenced by the fact I'm reading said book by Gabrielle Bernstein, but this is true. There have been times when I've felt like throwing the towel in. But, once I take a step back and revaluate, I see things clearly and it's like someone, somewhere brings more work or that invoice gets paid...when you believe you can - there is always someone out there cheerleading for you.

Finally, I've learnt that #FreelanceLife brings you the most amazing set of new friends and connections. From Pippa at The City Girl Network to Dan at Bamb, to Rosie at Digital Team on Demand to Felice at Jellyfish and SO MANY MORE, being a freelancer has introduced me to so many amazingly talented individuals and a whole circle of new friends. And that's not including my totally awesome set of clients who I class as friends and colleagues - these are the guys that made it happen for me and these are the guys I am FOREVER grateful for.


What's next?



I can confidently say that I never want to 'work for' anyone again. I can also confidently say that I will never 'work for' anyone again. This life suits me. And I love this life.

The next 731 days look INCREDIBLY exciting. There is a new business venture for me just around the corner, one that I feel proud of and one that I feel has been brewing over the last 24months. I can't wait to share it with you all...

And so, to the last two years and to everyone who has believed in me, thank you. I wouldn't change it for anything.
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Tuesday, 3 January 2017

3 Lessons I Learnt in 2016


2017 is officially in full swing and I've been taking some time out over the last few days to plan my goals for 2017, as well as looking back on the 365 days that have just passed and some of the lessons I learnt throughout 2016.

1. Find your Tribe
Find your tribe. I found more than one tribe in 2016. From new friends in extended circles who I now class as some of my best friends, to meeting the amazing Brighton Girl's - this year I learnt that your 'tribe' can be incredibly powerful. 

Meeting like-minded individuals and sharing life stories within minutes of saying 'Hello, my name's Donna', planning trips to here there and everywhere and giggling like your 10 years old again. 

Uniting with people you never imagined your life would lead you to, can have an amazing affect on your happiness, your wellbeing, your belonging, your confidence. All of it. 

I encourage you to find your tribe. Find a local social group, take a deep breath and go along to a meet on your own. Trust me, you won't look back.

2. Don't Rush
Whether you're 21 and you haven't passed your driving test yet, or you're nearly 30 and you haven't flown the nest; don't rush. 

In the middle of 2016 I was in full panic mode. I was almost 28, I was still living at home and I had no immediate plan to move out. Suddenly it felt like all my friends were buying houses, getting married and having babies. I hadn't even thought about any of that.

Then before I knew it there was a big old change happening in my life and quickly I moved out into my first place. 

Looking back now I realise I never needed to panic, to rush, or to worry about what the world thought about me living at home with Mum. None of that really mattered. And actually I learnt so much by being at home just that little while longer. 

I'm a firm believer that things will happen when they're meant to and not a second before. 

3. You Will Survive
Life can be a real shit. Can't it? 

Life can turn upside down in seconds. One minute everything in the garden is rosy and then one phonecall, one email, one knock at the door can throw everything out the window. 

But no matter what happens, no matter how tough life is, you will survive. 

You can have what feels like an endless supply of bad news but when life feels like it's all downhill just take some time to appreciate the things that can pick you up.Your family, your friends, your health, job or that running club you go to every week. Never take the good stuff for granted, it's there for you.

With bad times, there will come good. Just don't lose hope and remember you will survive. 

I'm taking these lessons with me into 2017 and I'm already excited about the year ahead. I'm ready and armoured! 
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Thursday, 29 December 2016

Flying the Nest


I've finally flown the nest.

Moving out. Those two words I thought I'd put into action many years ago when I finished Uni. I thought I'd be the girl who never came back home after Uni. I pictured myself living in London or maybe New York, working in a high rise building, living in a high rise building, working for a blue chip company and being a 'proper grown up.' But life doesn't always go the way you think does it?

I became a home bird. I loved spending time with my family. I didn't like change, I didn't like separation and I didn't like thinking about life without my family. But things do change and seperation does happen. Relationships end, people get sick and sadly we all leave this earth at some point...

These experiences taught me to cope better with big changes in life but at the same time it made me become more anxious. I worry about people a lot. Perhaps by being at home this whole time I felt like I had a comfort blanket, something there to protect me from the bad stuff? But the bad stuff happens anyway, right?

I've been so lucky to have such a close knit family. My parents, my brother and I are all so close. We've all followed different paths and we've all been through our own ups and downs but no matter what we stick by each other.

My mum and I are incredibly close.

We have PJ nights with endless hours of boxsets and plenty of chocolate. We can gossip for hours about an article we've read on the Daily Mail App (guilty pleasure!). We bake. We shop. We laugh hysterically. We support each other through the storms without judgement. Like two peas in a pod.

Being at home, I thought I'd never grow up (that's my inner Peter Pan right there!) and the boxset binges would never end.

Circumstances change, life throw's you a curve ball, you fall in love, you suddenly feel like an adult. And voila - you're on a totally different track to where you thought you were going. But that's okay, that's the pathway that fate leads you to and that's the pathway to your next chapter.

For me, instead of that high rise flat and that high flying job, I've just moved to a beautiful village in the middle of the countryside and I earn my living by being a digital freelancer with a passion for reading books. It might not be what I dreamt when I was a little girl but right now I'd say I'm living the dream.

Life is all about chasing those dreams. Dreams can change and alter. What makes the dream real is a feeling of wholeness, contentment and happiness. Accepting that whatever has been and whatever will be is out of our hands and what is happening right now is all just part of our exciting journey.

So hey, it might have taken me longer than others to flap those wings and fly the nest but in that time I've ironed out some new hopes, I've learnt a few lessons and without really even thinking about being 'an adult', I've reached adulthood with open arms bigger than I imagined.

It's okay to be a bit different isn't it?
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Friday, 28 October 2016

When Change Comes Knocking


I'm a Libran. That makes me incredibly indecisive. I find it difficult to say 'No' and I make every effort to make sure everyone around me is happy. I like harmony and balance. 

Do I like change? Well I don't think any of us like lots of changes all of the time, do we? 

Over the last 4 years, I have embraced change and I've learned a lot about how change can make you a stronger person. 

The next few months will see a BIG change happen in my life and in anticipation of this I thought I'd share my thoughts on the subject of change...

We make decisions every single day of our lives. 

What to wear to work? 
What to eat for lunch? 
And even what time to go to bed. 

Our routines are based on a series of decisions knitted together to form a sequence...something that becomes familiar. 

Something we call day-to-day life.

Our routines can be affected by big life events like love, health, death and money. And sometimes we can feel like our lives are 'all over the place' - a little off balance, a little uncertain. 

Waiting in anticipation of something to change in our hectic routine to put the balance back in the picture. 

We wait for the world to change.

Going through uncertainty can be massively stressful for us. We can't sleep because our minds race with thoughts and anxiety about tomorrow. We panic about the future - 'Where will I be?'. 

Our foundation feels like it's been built on a plate of jelly...know that feeling?

But with patience and strength, I believe we can fix that wibbly wobbly foundation, come out the other side and make the world we live in change. 

I recently made a BIG decision. A decision to finally fly the nest. At the ripe old age of 28. Some might think this is really old to be leaving home but actually, I just needed to wait for my world to change slightly so that I would make my world change...take that leap finally, no backing out. 

When something happens beyond our control it's like fate is telling us it's time. The world is making a decision for us. 

And so for me - my fate has told me over the last couple of months it's time to fly the next and create my new pathway. 

However anxious I might be feeling about moving out I am also excited. 

I'm excited to be taking charge of my future. 

I'm excited to be a little less of a 'Libra' and think about myself and my journey a little more. 

It's good to take care of yourself now and again isn't it? 

I'm sure the emotions that I will go through over the next few weeks will be a huge mixture of ups and some downs, but what's important to remember is that change is positive and change can help solidify that jelly on a plate.
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